James Clarke October 11 2007 at 03:52AM James Clarke's Tour de Farce

Again my secretary, Threnody Higginbottom, who files everything under M for Miscellaneous, forgot to remind me of yet another important anniversary. Last Friday was World Teachers' Day when we were all supposed to think about teachers and their suffering. Mary Stuart of the Teachers' Network told me about it but too late for I was in Natal frolicking. However, I shall hold my own private celebration today and recall how, many years ago, an anonymous Johannesburg high school teacher wrote a soliloquy for this, the international people's column. It went: Wait, wait a minute. Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning? Not only that, but you expect me to instil in them a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify any disruptive behaviour, observe them for signs of abuse and for questionable T-shirt messages? I am to fight the war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, tell them about HIV/Aids, check their bags for dangerous weapons and raise their self-esteem? I am to teach them good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance accounts, and how to apply for a job? I am also required to check their heads on occasion for lice? I am to maintain a safe environment, recognise signs of potential anti-social behaviour, offer advice, write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships, and encourage respect for cultural diversity? And, oh yes, ensure I give the girls in my class as much attention as the boys? What? AND I'm required to continue my own studies and mark books in the evening and at weekends - for NOTHING? And attend committee meetings and school functions? I am to be a paragon of virtue larger than life, such that my very presence will awe the children into being obedient and respectful of authority? I am obliged to communicate with each student's parent by letter, phone and report card? You want me to incorporate the latest technology into teaching, and foster a personal relationship with each student? I am to decide who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to commit crimes? Plus, I am expected to make sure that all students - whether from disadvantaged or advantaged homes - get an equal education, regardless of their mental or physical capabilities? I am expected to mediate when there is flagrant home-induced racial prejudice? And all I am armed with is a piece of chalk? And for HOW much salary did you say? How to recognise a teacher... Dr Hugh Cobb of Rosebank says: You must be in education if: You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from eight to three and have so many holidays!" You can tell it's a full moon without looking outside. When you mention "vegetables" you're not talking about a food group. You think people should be forced to get a government permit before having children. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in primary school for five years. You can't have children because there's no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you uttered it. Educational bumper sticker Here's a bumper sticker for next year's World Teachers' Day: If you can read this - thank a teacher. This is James Clarke's Stoep Talk column, published in The Star newspaper. E-mail him at jcl@onwe.co.za.

Orlando, Florida - Laughter is good for the heart because it prolongs life while depression increases the risk of an early death, according to two new studies. A good bout of laughter every day provides similar cardiovascular benefits as exercise because it stimulates the blood-flow, said Michael Miller, who headed one research team at the University of Maryland. On the other hand, depression - or the lack of laughter - is often linked to unhealthy habits such as smoking and drug addiction and increases the risk of death by 44 percent, said Wein Jiang, who led a study of 1 000 heart patients for the University of North Carolina. Miller said laughter produced a "magnitude of change... in the endothelium... similar to the benefit we might see with aerobic activity, but without the aches, pains and muscle tension associated with exercise" While laughter should not replace exercise, he said, "we do recommend that you try to laugh on a regular basis. Thirty minutes of exercise three times a week, and 15 minutes of laughter on a daily basis is probably good for the vascular system." Miller told the American College of Cardiology annual conference that he showed excerpts of funny and stressful films to 20 non-smoking, healthy volunteers, equally divided between men and women, whose average age was 33. Researchers measured changes in blood vessel reactivity as the volunteers watched the movies and noted striking contrasts. Artery flow in the arms was reduced in 14 of the 20 volunteers following the movie clips that caused mental stress. In contrast, beneficial blood vessel relaxation increased in 19 of the 20 volunteers after they watched the movie segments that generated laughter. Overall, average blood flow increased 22 percent during laughter, and decreased 35 percent during mental stress. "The endothelium is the first line in the development of atherosclerosis or hardening of the arteries, so, given the results of our study, it is conceivable that laughing may be important to maintain a healthy endothelium, and reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease," Miller said. However, the researcher was unable to explain the physiology of laughter's benefits. "Does it come from the movement of the diaphragm muscles as you chuckle or guffaw, or does it come from a chemical release triggered by laughter, such as endorphins? "Perhaps mental stress leads to a breakdown in nitric oxide or inhibits a stimulus to produce nitric oxide that results in vasoconstriction," he added. On presenting the results of his research, Jiang said the "adverse association of depression and increased long-term mortality was independent of other factors, including age, marriage, cardiac function and the root cause of the heart failure". "Approximately half of all patients with heart failure will die within five years of diagnosis, and we believe that our study appears to identify a group of these patients who are at a higher risk (44 percent) for dying," she added. Jiang was also unable to explain the results of her research theorising instead that "depressed patients tend to make unhealthy lifestyle choices in such areas as diet and smoking." Both studies, however, appear to show that emotional states can lead to real physiological changes. In February, US researchers released details of a study which indicated emotional shocks such as the end of a relationship or a surprise party can kill otherwise healthy people. They called it a "broken heart syndrome". ---oOo---

January 21 2004 at 07:30PM

Chocolate may ease blood pressure - study   (IOL News, July 19, 2005 at 07:05 am

Washington - Dark chocolate can not only soothe your soul but can lower blood pressure too, researchers reported on Monday. The study, published by the American Heart Association, joins a growing body of research that show compounds found in chocolate called flavonoids can help the blood vessels work more smoothly, perhaps reducing the risk of heart disease. "Previous studies suggest flavonoid-rich foods, including fruits, vegetables, tea, red wine and chocolate, might offer cardiovascular benefits, but this is one of the first clinical trials to look specifically at dark chocolate's effect on lowering blood pressure among people with hypertension," said Jeffrey Blumberg of Tufts University in Boston, who led the study. "This study is not about eating more chocolate," Blumberg added. "It suggests that cocoa flavonoids appear to have benefits on vascular function and glucose sensitivity."

'This study is not about eating more chocolate'

Scientists are far from being able to make specific recommendations for patients based on their research on chocolate, and nutritionists have urged people to be cautious because chocolate is high in fat, sugar and calories. Blumberg and colleagues at the University of L'Aquila in Italy studied 10 men and 10 women with high blood pressure. For 15 days, half ate a daily 100g bar of specially formulated, flavonoid-rich dark chocolate, while the other half ate the same amount of white chocolate. Then each group "crossed over" and ate the other chocolate. "White chocolate, which has no flavonoids, was the perfect control food because it contains all the other ingredients and calories found in dark chocolate," Blumberg said.

'Most Americans eat milk chocolate'

"It's important to note that the dark chocolate we used had a high level of flavonoids, giving it a slightly bittersweet taste. Most Americans eat milk chocolate, which has a low amount of these compounds." Writing in the journal Hypertension, Blumberg's team said when the volunteers ate the special dark chocolate, they had a 12mm Hg decrease in systolic blood pressure (the top number in a blood pressure reading) and a 9mm Hg decrease in diastolic blood pressure (the bottom number) on average. Blood pressure did not change when the volunteers ate white chocolate. "This is not only a statistically significant effect, but it's also a clinically meaningful decline," Blumberg said. "This is the kind of reduction in blood pressure often found with other healthful dietary interventions." Eating dark chocolate also seemed to improve how the body used insulin, and reduced low density lipoprotein (LDL) or "bad" cholesterol by about 10 percent on average. "The findings do not suggest that people with high blood pressure should eat lots of dark chocolate in lieu of other important blood pressure-reduction methods, such as medication and exercise," Blumberg said. "Rather, we are identifying specific flavonoids that can have a benefit on blood pressure and insulin sensitivity."